John Wesley on struggling against sin

May 24, 1738, Wesley's Journal


I having been ignorant of the righteousness of Christ, which, by a living faith in Him, bringeth salvation "to every one that believeth," I therefore sought to establish my own righteousness, and so, I laboured in the fire all my days.

I was now properly "under the law". I knew that "the law" of God was "spiritual; I consented to it that it was good". Yes, "I delighted in it, after the inner man". Yet I was "carnal, sold under sin".

Every day I was constrained to cry out, "What I do, I allow not: for what I would, I do not; but what I hate, that I do. To will is" indeed "present with me: but how to perform that which is good, I find not. For the good which I would, I do not; but the evil which I would not, that I do. I find a law, that when I would do good, evil is present with me:" Even "the law in my members, warring against the law of my mind," and still "bringing me into captivity to the law of sin."

In this vile, disheartening state of bondage to sin, I was indeed fighting continually, but not conquering. Before this, I had willingly served sin, but now it was unwillingly; but I still served it nevertheless. I fell, and rose, and fell again. Sometimes I was overcome and in heaviness. Sometimes I overcame and was in joy. When I was in the former state (being overcome by sin), I had some foretastes of the terrors of the law. Likewise when I overcame sin, I had the comforts of the Gospel.

During this whole struggle between nature and grace, which had now continued for over ten years, I had many remarkable returns to prayer, especially when I was in trouble. I had many sensible comforts, which are indeed none other than short anticipations of the life of faith. But I was still "under the law," not "under grace" (the state most, who call themselves Christians, are content to live and die in). For I was only striving with, not freed from, sin. Neither had I the witness of the Spirit with my spirit, and indeed could not, for I "sought it not by faith, but as it were by the works of the law."